How To Stop Being A Simp – The Only Guide You Need

by Veikko Arvonen // January 11 // 0 Comments
how to stop being a simp

How to stop being a simp? This may be an extremely useful question to ask because simping can cause lots of trouble. From lack of respect to overwhelming stress, these effects can be nasty. I feel like this post is relevant in the modern world since simping seems to be a common phenomenon. If you want to stop being a simp, you’re in the right place.

In this article, I won’t bombard you with 24 different fancy techniques and expect to earn a dating guru title. I’m going to share a simple, direct way to eliminate this problem. You don’t need dozens of fancy techniques to mess up your head and get stuck in analysis paralysis. All you need is a simple action plan and a little backbone. Let’s begin.

What is a simp?

what is a simp

A simp means a man who’s overly submissive and friendly to a woman. He’s the Mr. Nice guy and easy to manipulate. Before we learn how to fix this problem, it’s important to determine it. This is how you can figure out if you’re a simp. Sometimes, guys don’t even realize it so pay attention!

A simp is willing to do pretty much anything for a woman to get her approval. She wants a pair of new shoes? You’re on your way to buying them! She needs a ride? You’re there faster than Uber and Superman combined. When you’re simping, you’re ready to drop all your plans, sacrifice your backbone, and destroy your wallet for a woman, expecting to get laid (or something like that) in return.

”But wait! What’s wrong with being friendly?” I hear you saying. Well, nothing, sort of. The thing with being a simp is that you’re TOO FRIENDLY for WRONG REASONS.

A simp doesn’t realize that putting a woman on a pedestal and doing anything for her is not a good way to attract her. Do you want her to love you or your wallet? Exactly.

Being a simp is detrimental for two reasons. One, it doesn’t work. Two, it’ll fuck you up. Being ready to drop all your plans and backbone for a woman signals only one thing: You’re afraid of losing her and you’re willing to do anything to charm her. Even if it means violating your deepest principles and core values.

You’re not in your core. You’re easy to throw off balance. You NEED her to be happy. And that is very unattractive… To put it short: Being a simp is unattractive. It’ll only attract gold diggers, and you want to stay away from them.

Sure, receiving gifts and compliments as a woman must be nice, but does it make the giver sexually attractive? No, it doesn’t. You want her to like YOU. Not the things you do, the gifts you buy, or your money.

Secondly, being a simp causes all kinds of bullshit. You’re wasting tons of money, energy, and time and probably getting nothing in return. Not a good deal if you ask me.

Being a gentleman is something you should do, but being a simp isn’t. A simp expects to win a woman’s love by doing unreasonable favors and treating her like a Goddess. Just like she would owe him something? News flash: She doesn’t. She doesn’t owe you love, her time, or approval.

How to stop being a simp

how to stop being a simp

Alright. I promised you a no-BS how to stop being a simp guide so here we go. The first thing you need to do is to reframe your way of thinking. Although Disney movies say otherwise, let me disclose the honest truth one more time: Being a simp is unattractive.

Why? Because it signals that you lack vital traits that make a man attractive. Traits like confidence, firm boundaries, self-respect, and carefreeness.

Instead of compensating for something or trying to “buy” love, become the man who is attractive himself. A woman should fall in love with YOU, not the things you can do. The right way to attract people is to BE an attractive person because of WHO YOU ARE.

If you’re not getting results with someone, don’t try to compensate for it by showering her with compliments and gifts. Take your change, and move to another person if you get rejected.

If you want to increase your odds, implement some good habits into your life that make you attractive in the long run:

  • Work out and take care of your appearance
  • Practice social skills, charisma, and a good sense of humor
  • Become a determined, action-taking badass who’s on his own mission.

I wise author called Mark Manson said that great dating advice is this: self-improvement. Rather than trying to prove something by being a simp, work on yourself and become an attractive man yourself!

Developing boundaries

If you want to stop being a simp, you need to develop healthy boundaries. Determine what you tolerate and what you don’t. What are you willing to do for someone? What are your values? You need to consider your principles and stick to them. When someone tries to convince you to do something, you’re the judge determining if it’s justified.

The good thing is that once you realize that simping doesn’t work, you’re motivated to stop it. After all, your goal is to be attractive, right? Most people will respect this. They don’t demand you to buy drinks or do unreasonable favors. However, you still must remember your boundaries.

Let’s take an example: You manage to find yourself a girlfriend and things are great. However, every time you meet your old friend, who happens to be a female, your girlfriend gets mad. Eventually, she demands you block her because “You must not talk to other girls.”

This is where you need to consider your values and boundaries. Listening to your girlfriend is a no-brainer, but do you allow her to limit your social life? After all, you’ve been friends for years and never had anything romantic. In this case, you must stick to your boundaries.

You must ask yourself some important questions. When are you willing to buy a drink for a woman? How much trust do you demand? Can you forgive her if she cheats on you?
The key is to stick to healthy boundaries. Don’t become manipulative, overly controlling, or rude, but be ready to maintain your principles. Even if you risk making her mad. As long as your boundaries are reasonable, getting mad is her problem, and tells more about her.

Have some self-respect

Imagine this. For some reason, a bunch of extra-terrestrials, higher-dimension creatures are making a documentary of you. It’s their version of National Geographic. What would those creatures see? What would YOU think if you saw that document?

Would they see someone desperately trying to get the girl, only to find out that the alpha male who couldn’t give a shit got her? Or, would they see someone conquering his goals, taking the shot with women, but never being dependent on them? Someone who has respect for himself? Someone who’s not perfect, who still makes mistakes, but learns from them and improves every single day?

Doing this kind of self-reflecting is useful. Sometimes we fall into a negative spiral without realizing it. Losing a touch with anything is a sneaky bastard. It starts with neglecting something little. These little things lead to big things, and eventually, you’ll see that you’re violating the most important principles.

Is that who you want to be? Is that the life you want? Would you make a good documentary for those aliens? Sometimes it’s a good moment to self-reflect and see if you’re giving yourself the respect you deserve. Take a look at your situation.

Are you seriously buying $1000 worth of jewelry for a girl who ignores you and treats you like shit? Are you letting someone control the friendship between you and your best friend? If you want to stop being a simp, you must learn to put yourself first. Not in an arrogant but healthy way. The way that gives you the self-respect you deserve.

Stop being a simp – the ultimate cure

Now that you’ve learned why being a simp doesn’t work, and why you must have boundaries, it’s time for the ultimate cure. In the end, if you want to stop being a simp, you must respect yourself. This means having boundaries and a backbone. Above all, you must be ready to walk away from that person if they don’t respect you.

This goes with every stage of dating. Someone is manipulating you and clearly trying to make you buy her drinks? You need to be ready to walk away, even if she’s pretty. Someone is jealous because you have female friends? You need to be willing to maintain those friendships because losing a lifetime friendship due to a toxic girlfriend is not a way to go.

Again, remember your boundaries. You can’t stick to your boundaries and make decisions if you don’t know them.

I get it. It may be tough to risk a conflict, but sometimes that’s the right thing to do. Mainly for two reasons: One, women (and men) will respect you more in the long run. When you have a backbone, people can’t manipulate you and respect your decisiveness.

Two, getting superficial approval is not worth sacrificing your principles. If someone manipulates you, you must be ready to walk away.

Ultimately, this all becomes easier when you don’t give a fuck what people think about you and don’t feel like you need a specific woman. If that’s the case, I kindly urge you to cure your oneitis, or you’re in deep shit.

If you feel like you can’t walk away, the key is to improve your life to the point where it becomes great even without a woman. A second good choice is to have more options. Above all, don’t be needy. Neediness is the ultimate gateway to dating problems. To fix that problem, check out this post.

If you want to stop being a simp, you only need three steps:

  • Realize why being a simp actually HURTS YOUR DATING LIFE
  • Develop healthy boundaries and self-respect
  • Be ready to stick to them or walk away, if someone tries to break them

If you want to find a healthy relationship, you don’t need to be a simp. That’s because someone loves you because of who you are, not what you do. If you feel like you struggle with that, keep improving yourself and becoming more attractive. Results will take care of themselves as long as you take care of the progress.

Stop being a simp – Be a gentleman instead

stop being a simp - be a gentleman

Now you’ve heard a lot of rant about how to stop being a simp and why you shouldn’t be overly submissive and friendly. However, don’t use it as an excuse to become a black-pilled, bitter woman hater. That’s the last thing I want you to do.

Well, should you do favors and be nice? The key is to do nice things and be a gentleman WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. See, a simp buys a woman drinks and compliments her, thinking that it will get him laid and make him attractive. A gentleman does the same because he wants to do so. He doesn’t expect anything in return because he knows that attraction isn’t built on superficiality.

A high-value man does these nice things to a woman if he wants to. If he believes she deserves them. Sometimes you want to be nice for someone just because you think they’re an amazing person.

A high-value man doesn’t care if he gets anything in return. He’s strong enough to give validation and wise enough to know who deserves it. Manipulators and gold diggers won’t be on that list.

When you do nice things, do them because you want to do so, without expecting anything in return. This signals that you’re carefree and strong enough to give validation.

How to stop being a simp – Summary

There you have it! My guide to stop being a simp. Just a quick recap, fixing this problem comes down to three steps:

  • Realize why simping doesn’t work
  • Develop healthy boundaries and self-respect
  • Always be ready to stick to them and walk away if necessary

You don’t need fancy techniques. You don’t need 20 different ways for sake of quantity that kinda work. You don’t need to mimic the “top 5 alpha male behaviors” or buy a $250 course from a dating guru. All you need is a little backbone, self-respect, and willingness to work on yourself if you need to.

With this said, I wish you a great week. See you next time!

Veikko Arvonen is a blogger with a burning passion for self-development. In his blog, he shares battle-tested tips to become more confident, charismatic, attractive, and happier. Back in time, he got tired of being at the lower end of the pecking order and decided to change. Now, you can learn his lessons from this blog.