Putting women on a pedestal is the rookie mistake that pretty much every guy does sometimes. I’ve been there, and you’ve probably been there too.
I remember it well. I was a 15-year-old teenager. I started to talk with a girl on Snapchat who I had seen a couple of times. We started to have good conversations and we seemed to be interested in each other. I thought she was really pretty and so on, so I started to invest my emotions and mental energy in her. And not in a good way.
Little that I knew, I was digging my own grave. After the first date, it got worse and worse. Every time she sent a message, I was in extacy. Every time she ignored me, I started worrying. I kept telling myself the normal BS excuses when in reality, I should have noticed that she was losing interest.
“Oh, she’s probably just busy!” “My friend told me that girls have mood swings so this is normal!” “She sent me a goodnight message with a heart! This must mean something!”
Above all, I NEEDED her to feel happy. I thought that every inconvenience in my social life was non-essential because I had her. I was obsessed. She was in control of me. I didn’t know that putting women on a pedestal is a mistake. And I had done that.
Eventually, she friend-zoned me with a text message, which hurt. A lot. That was because I had put her on a pedestal and allowed myself to become needy. All this after just one date.
Putting a woman on a pedestal meaning
Putting women on a pedestal means that you make her your number one priority. This often occurs when your emotions take control and you totally fall in love with her.
Sure, being in love is a great feeling but too much is too much. Putting her on a pedestal means that you’re willing to cancel all your plans, sacrifice your health/wealth, and lose your backbone. All this to get her approval and something in return.
This will often lead to detrimental consequences.
Putting women on a pedestal – Today’s pandemic
There’s something in common between this phenomenon and CoVid-19. They’re both global. Some people ignore them, even when the answer is right in front of their eyes. And yes, both can cause nasty symptoms if you have bad luck.
Don’t believe me? Open your Instagram. It doesn’t take a long time to find someone who’s promoting their Onlyfans, Patreon, or whatever premium subscription that promises to fill your sexual desires against cash.
People are literally paying 50$ tips to get some private video or a teasing recording of some random girl calling them “daddy”. If this isn’t putting women on a pedestal, I don’t know what is.
Take a look at your social circle. The bars. Parties… I bet you know at least one guy who used to do everything for a girl but didn’t receive love back. What about the guy in a bar that showers girls with compliments and buys them drinks? Expecting to get something in return.
Being a gentleman is something every man should do. If you want to be nice to someone, do so. The key is to not be a needy little boy expecting that a woman owes you something just because you bought her flowers or a drink.
It’s all about not taking things too far. Being the “Mr. Nice Guy” is not a good idea. You shouldn’t cancel all your plans or sacrifice your savings for someone you don’t even know that well. Don’t make another person your life purpose or number one priority.
Above all, have a backbone! Stick to your firm boundaries. Have other great things in life too! If someone is clearly exploiting or manipulating you, have the guts to walk away.
Why you shouldn’t put women on a pedestal
There are many reasons why this is a terrible idea, so let’s take a look at the most important ones. After reading this post, you should have an idea why putting women on a pedestal is not good for you.
Effects on mental health/stress
Imagine this. Your mood is entirely controlled by someone else without them maybe even knowing it. This is exactly what happens if you put someone on a pedestal.
She asks how you’re doing? You’re jumping out for joy. She ignores you because she’s busy. You’re stressed out. Putting women on a pedestal means that you anchor your mood into something external. When in reality, you should have as much control over yourself as possible.
If a ship arrives at the harbor and attaches its anchor to another ship, it’s not stable. The other ship may leave anytime or a storm can throw it away. Your ship aka your good vibe is entirely out of your control.
But if you toss it to the bottom with a strong grip, you’re in control yourself. You can decide when you leave and a storm only gives a small bump.
Your happiness is one of your most valuable assets, so I suggest you control it as much as possible. If it’s out of your control entirely, you risk yourself to huge spikes of stress, unhappiness, and misery.
Neediness is not attractive
“But wait! If you like someone shouldn’t you make it apparent?” Yes, often you should. You can’t succeed at anything if you don’t take the opportunity. But if you NEED a woman in your life, it’s unattractive.
Your hurling emotions can make you act in a way that you normally wouldn’t. This makes you extremely creepy. If you stalk someone and try to hang around all the time, it pushes other people away. This goes with all social relationships.
You need to respect everyone’s privacy. If you bombard someone with messages and compliments 24/7, it can make them anxious.
Secondly, being needy signals one thing. You’re desperate for someone’s validation. Often it means that you don’t have too many great things in your life going on.
Guys with a backbone and an exciting lifestyle are way more attractive. Would you want to date someone who doesn’t bring any value to your life?
When you stop the neediness, it signals that you’re not afraid to walk away if necessary. This prevents people from manipulating you and considering you weak.
Being needy is super unattractive and probably the fastest way to destroy any chances of success in dating. It makes you act unnatural and inauthentic.
You set up a wrong frame
I’ve talked about the importance of a good frame and controlling it in my previous articles. Your frame means how you see yourself and the world around you.
Imagine this: You’re out there and someone cracks a joke about you. This is when your frame becomes important. If you have a bad frame aka you care too much about what people think about you and take it personally, it could lower your mood. You could get triggered, and angry, and make yourself look like a clown.
But if you have a good frame and high self-esteem, you don’t take it personally and people respect your confidence.
This goes with dating too. Putting a woman on a pedestal means that you see her as a Goddess. Someone you should worship and who’s way above you.
These underlying beliefs show up and last time I checked, insecurity is not attractive. On top of this, your mental health takes a hit. Simply because you treat yourself like a worker ant, trying to please his queen.
Your frame tells the world that you need to buy her gifts and jump through her hoops to be worth dating. You’re trying to compensate your own worth with superficial things.
Putting women on a pedestal has a terrible ROI
What’s ROI? It’s a term that entrepreneurs and marketers use. It stands for Return On Investment. If you launch an ad campaign and pay 1000$ for display ads, selling your products for 400$, you have a 40% ROI. You lose money.
However, if you do your research and implement some good strategies while making the same profit for 100$, you have a whopping 400% ROI.
You can apply this principle in dating too. Putting someone on a pedestal means you invest a ton of time and effort into something that probably gives you little to no results. The ROI is terrible, maybe even negative.
But if you take it casually, keep your shit together and be non-needy, you’ll have way more results with way less effort. You have a 10X bigger chance to succeed without losing your sleep and mental health.
How to stop putting women on a pedestal
I know, this can be tough for some people. Sexual desire is one of the most powerful forces that a man experiences. It drives us to do big things, some of which are bad if you let it control you.
The Internet and social media platforms give you access to all kinds of porn websites and platforms. With a few clicks, you can experience any fantasy you have virtually. You can even spend your hard-earned money to buy a virtual girlfriend from Onlyfans.
The media is full of pictures of half-naked girls and celebrity gossips about Kardashians. Things that trigger your sexual desires are everywhere. The opportunities to get the next dopamine hit surround you and leave you wanting more.
No wonder it’s so easy to put women on a pedestal nowadays.
How to take back control
Luckily, there are several things you can do to fight this. First of all, limit your social media usage. Those platforms are designed to keep you hooked because they want you to spend time there.
Stop scrolling Instagram and TikTok and start focusing on things that matter. Limit your time on adult sites or quit watching porn entirely. If you have an Onlyfans account or Pornhub premium, delete them immediately!
If you want to take things to the next level, download an internet blocker. I personally use an app called Freedom. It allows me to schedule and create sessions that block my access to social media platforms or time waster websites. I even have a session on right now because I know that writing this post is one million times more useful than scrolling my phone.
Secondly, start building a lifestyle that’s great even without a girlfriend. Focus on your studies/career and make sure to pick something you’re interested in. Start a new hobby, get together with your friends, or start a new project.
When you do this, you become busy with stuff that matters. A random girl flaking on you on Tinder isn’t that bad anymore.
I talk a lot about discovering a bigger purpose/mission, and you guessed it, I talk about it here too. When you have a bigger mission, you have something else to chase than women. The best thing is, it’s completely under your control!
Your purpose can be anything as long as it keeps you excited. Something you pursue constantly. It can be a fitness goal, next income goal, success at school, or something on a personal level. It can also change.
Frequently asked questions about putting women on a pedestal
What does it mean to put a woman on a pedestal?
Putting a woman on a pedestal means that you make her your number one priority and neglect other important stuff. You sacrifice your principles, values, and backbone to please her and you’ll do anything to get her approval.
You do this way too soon, considering that you just met or have had maybe a few dates.
Should women be put on a pedestal?
No. They shouldn’t. Obviously, you should treat potential partners well and be a gentleman, but don’t overdo it. Don’t make her your first priority. Have your own life and other cool things going on.
Stick to your firm boundaries and don’t let people manipulate you. If you’re dealing with someone who has a negative impact on you, have the guts to walk away.
If your relationship gets more serious, then you can start giving her more attention. Just make sure it’s mutual.
Am I putting her on a pedestal?
Here’s some questions you can ask yourself to find out.
- If she’s not interested, will you be upset about it tomorrow?
- Are you canceling plans or changing your principles to please her?
- Do you feel like you need her to be happy?
- If she ignores your message, do you get upset?
- Are you constantly stalking/worrying about her?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, you probably are putting her on a pedestal.
Note: This is about about the early stages of dating aka after 0-3 dates. When stuff gets serious, it’s good to have emotions and care about her.
How do I stop putting a girl on a pedestal?
Read the tips I gave above. Focus on yourself, commit to a bigger purpose, create more options, and build a lifestyle that’s great even without a girlfriend.
Why putting women on a pedestal is a terrible idea – Summary
As you probably know by now, putting women on a pedestal is a terrible idea. The reasons are simple. You’ll seriously hurt your happiness, mental health, and process in anything you do. On top of that, the results of this tactic are horrible.
The key is to take the opportunities, but being OK with failure. With this mindset, you can’t lose.
If you keep putting women on a pedestal, I suggest you do these things asap:
- Limit your social media/porn usage. Download an internet blocker if you need.
- Work on yourself and create a lifestyle that’s great even without a girlfriend.
- Commit to a bigger purpose/mission.
- Have more opportunities during the early stages (When you’ve had only 0-3 dates)
Dating should be a fun process where you enjoy taking new opportunities. Here’s a question to ask yourself in the early stages of dating:
“If this girl isn’t interested in me, will it bother me after a few days?”
If the answer is yes, there’s probably some work to do.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me! I’ll see you next time.