What’s a masculine frame? How can it benefit you? And how lacking it makes you vulnerable to misery and insecurity. I’ve been there, and gotten out, so I’m here to help you to do the same.
A masculine frame is a set of beliefs and thought patterns that bleed into your actions. Those beliefs represent masculine energy that has a positive impact on everything you do.
A frame in general is the way you see the world around you. Including other people and yourself. Your frame determines how you react to external things, which makes it quite dam important.
When I look at people around me, I can spot lots of traits that signal a masculine frame. Or a lack of it… In that case, the consequences can be detrimental.
I feel like this topic causes lots of misunderstanding nowadays. Masculinity is often misunderstood as being violent and neglecting emotions. This view of “toxic masculinity” is everywhere. Politics, education, equality movements… You name it.
In reality, masculinity is not about busting someone’s jaw or killing your emotions. A masculine man never wants violence but is ready to use it as a defense. A masculine man is strong enough to accept his emotions, but can temporarily make them secondary if he needs to stay calm.
A masculine man brings safety to everybody around him. He leverages himself and the others. He stands up for weaker people and has a clear vision. A masculine man is confident in himself, decisive, and calm. He doesn’t need to fight or compare to prove his manhood.
This is why masculinity can benefit men (and women) incredibly. It allows teenage boys to avoid social pressures. It allows men to feel remarkable since they’re executing a larger vision.
So, if you believe masculinity is toxic, you’re wrong. Sure, some people have traits that are toxic and seem masculine, but often they signal a lack of masculinity. With this said, let’s take a look at a masculine frame, and how to develop one.
Learning to set firm boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential if you want to have a masculine frame. You need to stand up for yourself if someone breaks them.
Your boundaries determine what you tolerate and what you don’t. They help you to stay on your mission when someone tries to distract you.
Imagine that you’ve decided to go to the gym, and your friend calls you. He asks you to come over, watch a movie, and get some food from Mc Donalds. When you politely decline, he starts to blame you.
He tells that you should relax sometimes. He blames you for “always being at the gym” when in reality, he’s trying to manipulate you. He’s bored and too lazy to get his own Big Mac.
In this case, you must stick to your boundaries. Go to the gym anyway. Maybe meet him afterward if he starts to behave.
When you learn to stick to your boundaries, other people can’t manipulate you. Eventually, they see your confidence and start to respect you. Rather than manipulating you, they respect you.
Taking nothing personally
I remember when I was reading a blog called Masculine Development. I came across an article where a successful man named Ed Latimore shared five life lessons. One of the lessons really stood out for me: Take nothing personally.
The key is to take nothing personally, even if it is. The beauty in this life lesson lies in the most important principle of confidence. It’s all about how you see yourself.
Even if someone tries to get under your skin, don’t take it personally. Other peoples’ opinions don’t matter. If they dislike you, it’s their problem. You must see yourself as a valuable person regardless of external factors.
A part of a masculine frame is your ability to stay unaffected. If someone dislikes you, it tells more about them. You only get judged by people who have less than you. Losers focus on winners and winners focus on themselves. Choose to be a winner who’s too busy for useless bullshit.
If you receive negative feedback, don’t take it personally. Consider it a lesson that you can use to improve yourself. After all, we all make mistakes. If this sounds hard, check out my article about dealing with haters.
The hardcore reality selection
This is another fascinating technique to see disadvantages in a new way. The key is to seek something positive from negative incidents. Often, your failures and tough times can teach you valuable lessons.
This phenomenon has happened with many successful people like David Goggins.
Got brutally rejected by a girl? Cool, now you’ve more resilient. You forgot your lines in a presentation? Good, you’ve improved your ability to stay calm under pressure.
When you use this principle, you’ll learn to turn negative incidents to your advantage. Failures teach you more than any book ever will. Failures are the stairs that will lead you to success.
A part of a masculine frame is to accept that bad things can happen and will happen. We can’t cancel them but we can deal with them. Once you’ve dealt with the problem, it’s irrelevant. Inconveniences happen to everyone, so you’re not alone. In the best-case scenario, you can turn them to your advantage.
Masculine frame and other people
Changes are you interact with other people regularly. Thus, a part of your masculine frame is the way you see them. Many people are friendly and cooperative, but sometimes you need to deal with nasty ones.
You know, haters, bullies, arrogant people, and so on. The crucial thing to realize is that no one is better than you. Even the most confident, charismatic people have their flaws. Everybody was a beginner at one point. You are all people, minding your own business. Equal. On the same line.
However, the fact that you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone and realize this makes you stand out. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way that makes you unique.
Once you learn to see through haters’ shallow cover, you can’t take them seriously. You don’t even feel like getting back at them.
Masculine frame in my high school
I remember when I was in high school, there were several groups. One of the groups had lots of status symbols. The guys were in great shape and some of them lived in nice houses in the same area.
There were lots of cool people. Although I wasn’t a part of their group, I sometimes played poker with them in my free time.
However, some of them took their status symbols too seriously. They even called themselves “the elite” and looked down on other people.
How did I see them? Quite the opposite. I can’t take people seriously who think that physical fitness or fancy clothes determine their value. If someone needs to brag like that, I feel sorry for them. It’s a sign of severy insecurity or narcissism, disguised in confidence.
Watching someone act like a “better person” is quite funny. Simply because I can’t take it seriously. Better person because of what? Physical fitness? Come on, anyone could get jacked if they wanted it bad enough.
Not to be rude here, but do you see my point? Once you realize that you don’t need external validation, you’ll step above the pressures. You let arrogant people brag, knowing that you don’t need to step into their game. Simply because you’re satisfied with your own.
Masculine frame as your kingdom
Here’s how I think you should see your life. Imagine it as a kingdom where you’re the ruler. You have entire control over it, and you can make it better or worse.
As the king or the queen, you want to make it as good as possible. Your goal is to make the kingdom a welfare state, where you can provide a great life to yourself and others.
Instead of trying to convince others to join it, build it until they want to do it themselves. If it relies on other people, like a girlfriend, the foundation is weak. You become needy, which is one of the most detrimental traits a man can have.
If you’re desperate for external approval, your kingdom’s well-being isn’t in your hands. External forces are shaking its foundation, and the ruler is in trouble.
However, if you make it awesome, other people are willing to join it. The key is to start from yourself. Start seeing the world full of opportunities to pursue your wildest dreams, because it is.
The way you build an awesome kingdom is by improving every area of your life. Imagine if you’re a confident, positive person who has a clear vision of their life. This makes you attractive to be around. Your positive energy brings value to interactions. You have goals that keep you satisfied. Your core confidence allows you to take the opportunities that life presents to you.
Eventually, this results in non-neediness, which is a very attractive trait. When you don’t need anything from anyone, your kingdom is under your control. Ironically, this makes other people willing to join it. Moral of the story: A great life starts within you.
How to build your kingdom
Here are great ways to start building your kingdom:
- Develop a positive attitude towards your life, and take care of your mental health.
- Pick up hobbies that you enjoy. (Personally, I love martial arts)
- Hang out with your friends, doing cool stuff.
- Develop a certain goal that keeps you excited on daily basis.
A part of a masculine frame is knowing that you can achieve pretty much anything if you stay consistent. Great things take time, but they’ll come eventually.
“But wait! What if I have no confidence, friends, or anything like that?”
Start with yourself. Start developing core confidence, learn what it takes to be an alpha male, and practice social skills. Eventually, put yourself out there and start inviting people to your kingdom.
Above all, if you make that one decision to flip the script, you’ll be busy executing it. Make improving yourself the #1 priority of your life, and all the benefits will follow. Slowly but surely, claw your way to success.
Even if your kingdom isn’t great yet, you’ll gain a sense of fulfillment when building it.
Purpose as a part of a masculine frame
Finding a purpose may sound like some generic “guru hype”, but it’s not. Having one is probably the most masculine trait you can have. When you have a certain goal that you want so bad, every inconvenience is secondary.
You don’t spend time waiting for a girl to reply, a friend to invite you somewhere, or any external validation. When you have a deep sense of a greater mission, it keeps you satisfied.
Back in time, this was a game-changer for me. Years ago, I decided to make improving myself the #1 priority of my life. I didn’t need a girlfriend or any other status symbols to feel great. I knew that as long as I keep improving, my kingdom will eventually attract other people to it. And it did.
Whatever happened, I always remembered my purpose. That made me satisfied, even when other people were partying and dating.
That’s the power of developing a purpose. It can be anything as long as it keeps you excited. It should light a fire in your belly in the morning.
So, if you don’t have a purpose yet, it may be a great time to develop one. Don’t worry, it can change during your journey so you don’t have to have it all figured out. As long as it inspires you, it’s good.
Developing a masculine frame
Now that you have learned the traits of a masculine frame, you probably want to learn how to build one. In a nutshell, it consists of three steps:
- Realize what a masculine frame is and how it works.
- Let those beliefs sink in.
- Amplify it with positive feedback.
Let’s take an example:
Example: James builds a masculine frame
James is a normal guy, who has just graduated from high school. Back there, James wasn’t too popular. He had some friends, but he was never a part of the bigger circles.
During his senior year, James had a relationship with a girl, but she dumped him. During the summer, James hears that his ex is now dating another guy, which makes James upset.
Back in high school, James wasn’t bullied, but some insults got under his skin. Some people used to tease him for not hitting the gym and being a virgin until the age of 17. James’ reaction to this was seeking validation. He tried to prove himself with his strengths and his confidence relied on other people.
James is about to start college after a month, which makes him nervous. The arrogant guys from the high school are about to start in the same college.
Discovering my blog
However, James discovers my blog and starts to consume my content. He discovers the idea of developing a purpose and gets excited. James decides to become the best version of himself before college. Step by step, he develops his masculine frame by consuming my articles. He even gets my ebook, Godlike Confidence Blueprint.
Slowly but surely, James brainwashed himself to think as I advised in this article. He spends some quiet time making notes and letting the advice sink in. He develops a completely new way to see reality.
Next time James sees his ex’s Instagram story, he doesn’t feel bad. He remembers that nobody’s better than him. When his ex is in a spa hotel with her boyfriend, James doesn’t get upset. He remembers that everyone has their flaws, so he doesn’t feel like a worse person. He’s so busy with his purpose that he couldn’t care less.
James has learned that superficial traits don’t mean anything, and he doesn’t need to prove himself. He has even started practicing MMA and hanging out with his old friends.
“I may not have my dream girl, a nice career, and tons of friends yet, but I’ll get there sooner or later.” he thinks.
Starting in college
The college starts. During the first week, there are several events where new students get together. James implements his new social skills by telling stories and leveraging everybody, which makes other people like him.
His underlying belief is that he doesn’t need to prove himself, which makes him authentic. Even when an arrogant person from his high school confronts him, he stays calm. He realizes that his arrogance signals an urge to prove himself, so James doesn’t take him seriously. Other people see that, which makes them respect James even more. Even if he didn’t make any friends during the first day, he’d still have his purpose.
When James gets back home, he’s amazed. The positive reactions from other people make his beliefs even stronger, which allows him to master his masculine frame.
At this point, James has gone through the three steps. He allowed the beliefs of a masculine frame to sink in, which showed up. This is how you can do it too. Follow the three-step formula, and enjoy your new frame.
Masculine frame – Summary
There you have it. A guide to building a masculine frame. I hope this article and its examples gave you some idea of how to do this effectively.
When it comes to maintaining a frame and a belief system, there’s one thing I want you to remember: It’s all about how you see yourself. Not the other people, you. Once you let those beliefs sink in, they’ll bleed into your words, gestures, and actions.
Starting from yourself is the key to effective self-development. If you have any questions, let me know. I’ll see you in the next post.