How to get over heartbreak

by Veikko Arvonen // May 2 // 0 Comments

How to get over heartbreak

If this is you, read on.

Getting over a heartbreak is a tough situation. Heartbreaks are something that probably all of us will encounter at some point in life. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you get dumped or cheated on or get rid of a person you have feelings for, it sucks.

I’ve been there and chances are you’ve been there also. So today I’m going to share with you a three-step formula to get over heartbreak as fast and effectively I can think.

Sometimes it requires time no matter how emotionally strong a person you are and that’s ok. Don’t blame yourself for being a human.

I created this formula by using all the knowledge and experience I’ve gained during the last few years. So without further ado, welcome to Maxed Out 20s heartbreak guide.

Step 1, Cure heartbreak by maximizing your own life

Getting over heartbreak is easier if your life looks like this
Getting over heartbreak is easier if your life looks like this.

Now, this is a big cliché but many people don’t get it entirely so let’s talk about that. This step contains two parts. I like to call them the inner and the outer. Now let me explain what I mean by them.

The inner basically means how you see and appreciate your own life and whether you have a good or bad frame/belief system.

The outer means all the aspects of your life. Friends, career, social circle, hobbies…

To perform this step properly you need to master them both. Let’s start with the outer.

The outer part to get over a break up

Having pleasant activities and hobbies is crucial if you want to be a generally happy and motivated, action-taking person. If you suffer from heartbreak it’s important to have something enjoyable to do. This goes with everything.

Take action on your career and plans for the future. This keeps you on your own path and mission and when you have something that keeps you excited in your life, you stop wasting your time on missing someone. If you don’t have this so-called purpose, now it’s a great time to find one. Too many people drift through life without a clear vision and that’s one major reason for depression.

Don’t be one of them. Choose to take control of your own life. Whether it’s becoming the best player in your team or building a billion-dollar company, it’s great if it excites you.

Another crucial part is your hobbies/working out. Are you working out enough to keep your brain producing enough hormones to boost your mood? When your body feels well your mind starts to follow and the other way around.

Also doing something that you like will always boost your mood and being in good physical shape raises your self-esteem. I’ve personally always liked martial arts and lifting weights. That doesn’t mean you should do the same but be sure to have some physical activity in your life.

When you don’t have a specific one taking a lot of your freetime it’s a good time to expand your social circle. Get together with your friends and do something fun. Go to clubs and parties and you’ll meet more awesome (and less awesome) people there.

Get back into dating if you feel like it. There’s this saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else and that’s pretty much true. Just don’t become dependent on attention and lose your standards.

Also learning something unique such as a foreign language or instrument is great, although not necessary. Making all this happen requires more or less action but in the end, it’s well worth it.

The inner part to cure heartbreak

Heartbreak can screw up your self-esteem pretty badly in some cases. Whether you realize or not you’re not thinking clearly. Once you start mastering the outer part the inner becomes easier and easier.

Take a look at your friends, family, hobbies, future plans, and ask yourself, why the fuck would I really need that one person there. Losing something cool sucks but you still have tons of left.

Realize that every one of us has their own problems. Even the most jacked, confident, and charismatic guys have. Ask yourself, how many have you really told about YOUR personal stuff. Probably not nearly everybody in your circle. So although some people seem to be doing perfectly, they’re fighting their own demons at the same time.

And if you master the outer one properly, chances are you’re way ahead of an average person!

Step 2, nothing he or she does matters. Especially when getting over a break up

Now when you’ve mastered your own incredible life, it’s time to deal with the other person. What I recommend to do, cut all the contact immediately. He or she is still in your head and interacting with them is like pouring acid into your wound. You’re not letting it heal.

Some people like to be friends when they think you’re a nice person but not worth dating. Cut contact anyways and if they ask why say that you need some space, nothing personal there. They will understand unless they’re completely crazy (that can happen too).

The next step is to stop comparing yourself to them. As I said, everyone has their own goods and their own problems. You’re missing them, he or she could be missing someone else. You have better hobbies, he or she has better grades. Got the point here?

Do not compare! It doesn’t matter how many good or bad things he or she has. What does matter is that you have tons of goods (see step one) and no-one has a perfect life.

Here are some more things NOT to do:

Don’t scroll social media

What you see on someone’s social media is the top 1 or 2% of their life. Vacations, parties, concerts… you know. But do they show their bank account after a vacation or hangover in the next morning? No.

When you see their social media and you start to compare that to you sitting in your own home at night, that sucks. Don’t fall into that scam, social media is one of the greatest liars today. It’s like comparing two hockey games but seeing only the goal highlights from the other.

The moral of the story, don’t let social media to lie to you.

Getting over a heartbreak is hard if you overthink

You know what I’m talking about. ”She’s at a restaurant, maybe she has another date already!” ”She asked me about my plans for the weekend, maybe she wants to see me again!”

Don’t be like that. Your emotions are screwing you up a big time. Just stick to your own awesome life and play it cool. Don’t expect anything from him or her and focus on yourself. Ironically this is the mindset that maximizes your chances of getting them back, but don’t rely on it.

Don’t try to make them jealous after a break up

Sure, if you happen to have a new awesome car and he or she sees that on your social media, it doesn’t hurt anybody. But if you start teasing them the second you set another date or try to impress them with some new muscle mass that’s a big no-no. Losers do that and you’re not a loser because you’re reading my blog.

Let me share a quick story. I was at a club with a few friends and we were sitting on a couch, sipping some beer and having a great time. At the opposite couch, about ten meters across the floor was a guy and a girl. In a moment my friend noticed that the girl was my ex who was pointing at me and talking to the guy. The moment I looked at her she started to cuddle with the guy, probably trying to make me jealous. Later she came to me and started asking if I had another one at the moment, which I didn’t have.

Some people could have been upset, but the way I saw it was that my ex was trying to prove herself to me and trying to make me feel worse about myself so she could feel better. Actually, it was pretty funny.

This is an example of what you should not do.

This is how you deal with a specific person during a heartbreak. Cut off contact, focus on yourself, and do not compare or fall into these common ”traps”. Once you start to get over him or her feel free to reach out and maybe flirt a little. But only when you’re ready.

Step 3, get over heartbreak and use it to your advantage

A heartbreak may be a great motivation

Now what I mean by this is that take a look at your current situation and ask yourself, ”Is this where I want to be?” Probably not. If that’s the case it’s a good time to start improving yourself and your life. It will require action but it will be more than worth it. Use that heartbreak as a motivation to murder your new goals.

You’ve probably heard people saying ”no pain, no gain” at the gym. That goes with everything in life. To achieve something good you have to go through the pain and put effort into it. Many people are not willing to put in that effort and that’s why they never improve.

Don’t let this be you. Decide where you want to be, how you’re going to do it, and start taking action. It will require effort, but your current situation is probably more painful than improving.

That’s why, if you do this process properly, your heartbreak can become the best thing that has happened to you. Usually, those moments when you feel like you’ve hit the rock bottom turn out to be the greatest lessons that raise you to the next level.

So remember my friend, if you’re in pain right now, there’s something incredible coming…

Bonus step, the ”next level” people.

Take a look around your social circle. How many of those people are improving themselves constantly? How many have future plans way above average? This kind of people are rare. Many are just drifting through life, doing what they’re told to do without a clear vision. They may be thinking that improving yourself is pathetic and they’re settling down for mediocrity.

You however, if you take these lessons properly you’ll avoid all that. The fact that you master your mindset to use breakup to your advantage means your next level. You starting to improve every area of your life means you’re next level.

So above all, remember this. Why cry for someone else when you already have way more than average.

That was my guide for getting over a breakup. I hope you enjoyed it and got something out of it. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me if you have any questions! I’ll see you next time.

Veikko Arvonen is a blogger with a burning passion for self-development. In his blog, he shares battle-tested tips to become more confident, charismatic, attractive, and happier. Back in time, he got tired of being at the lower end of the pecking order and decided to change. Now, you can learn his lessons from this blog.