Can’t Stop Thinking About Her? Here’s What To Do.

by Veikko Arvonen // February 14 // 0 Comments
can't stop thinking about her

So, you can’t stop thinking about her? Maybe you’ve broken up, or have an obsession with her. Every time you see something that reminds you of her, your heartbeat raises.

You’re constantly thinking about her. “Should I text her?” “She hasn’t replied in four hours, is she OK?” 

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in a right place. I’ve struggled with these problems a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean it.

Having an obsession or oneitis for a girl is something that can screw you up a big time. But only if you let it. If you do the right thing, you can crush your obsession and turn it to your advantage. In this article, I’ll tell you how.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about her?”

why I can't stop thinking about her

The harsh truth is this: You’re in love with her, although you shouldn’t be. After a break-up, you may still have strong feelings. I’ve seen people have feelings for their ex for months, even for years!

This can also occur if you have a burning crush on someone. When she doesn’t respond to your feelings, you find yourself in a stressful and painful situation. It can feel like you’re not yourself, and your view of reality is distorted

You’re seeing everything about her through imaginary glasses that show you the false reality. Everything she does seems so remarkable, although it’s not. You’re paying too much attention to everything she does, and this messes up your mind.

How to get over her

Whether it’s a girlfriend who dumped you or that girl from your math class, the blueprint is similar. The good news is, it’s actually pretty simple to stop thinking about her. The bad news is, it takes time and effort. But if you do it correctly, you’ll turn everything to your advantage.

I’ve done this several times in the past. I’m kinda working on that right now, so I feel you, my friend. In a nutshell, the process looks like this:

  1. Cut off all the contact
  2. Work on yourself
  3. Build a pleasant lifestyle and come back stronger than ever

It’s that simple. These action steps are proven and will reward you later. It can take some time, but the rewards are incredible.

Cut off all the contact (Seriously)

The harsh truth is that if you can’t stop thinking about her, you MUST cut off the contact. You need to eliminate every single stimulation that reminds you of her.

See, when you’re recovering from a heartbreak, you’re not thinking clearly. Everything she does seems remarkable, and you’re overanalyzing. Your brain needs time to heal. 

Even the slightest memories strengthen those parts of your brain that cause emotions. Seeing her social media, a picture, a conversation. Even a certain place where you used to make out or a song you used to listen to together.

Staying in contact with your ex/crush is like pouring salt into a wound. You’re not letting it heal and it hurts.

So, here’s what you need to do. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Stop hanging out and texting. Mute her social media. Return her stuff back to her. Do whatever it takes to get her off your life.

I know, this sounds harsh, but let me ask you a question: Would you rather suffer a week of intense heartbreak, or would you stay in contact, and let that wither you for months or even YEARS? If you stay in touch, it means that every time she sends you a message, you’re stress levels skyrocket. 

Every time she asks something, you’re living with a useless hope of getting back together. This happens without you even realizing it! When you stalk her social media, you’re wondering if she’s with another man. Imagine this pain continuing for a year. It may not feel too bad at the moment, but it withers you inside. Slowly but surely.

Examples from my life

Some time ago, I ghosted a girl from all my social media. Back in time, we used to date, and things were pretty serious. Then out of nowhere, life threw a curveball to my face and she friend-zoned me.

I thought we could stay in contact, and I was dead wrong. It took months to realize that I need to stop talking with her. Even worse, it took more than two years before I removed even the slightest stimulations of her. 

Because of this, I paid a heavy price. For that time, I overanalyzed everything she had going on in her life, and this caused me tons of headaches. Trust me, that’s not something you want to go through. I had to gain back my confidence and deal with all kinds of shit with my emotions. 

To be honest, I still got some work to do. However, after ghosting her everywhere, I’ve made more progress in a month than I made in a year before.

I also shared this with my friend who had just broken up. He thought he could stay in touch with the girl, but I urged him to cut if the contact. A few weeks later, he told me that it was the best decision he had made lately.

So, if you have this “I can’t stop thinking about her” mindset, do what you must. I’m not saying this lightly.

Work on yourself if you can’t stop thinking about her

The best thing you can do after cutting off the contact is to work on yourself. See, life has beaten you down. Heartbreaks are notorious for screwing up your confidence and throwing you off balance.

At this point, it’s important to work on yourself. If you can’t stop thinking about her, you need something better to do.

I remember when I suffered a nasty heartbreak back in time. During that winter, I was distant and dealt with some symptoms of depression. I used to spend hours and hours whining for my best friend. It helped temporarily, but it didn’t solve the underlying problem.

That was when I made a decision. I decided to work on myself and stop thinking about her. I improved every area of my life and flipped the script in a fairly short time.

I remember when I was celebrating the new year with my friends. 2019 was about to begin. I watched the fireworks and decided that 2019 would become the best year of my life so far. And it did.

And you know what? I got addicted. I realized that a human can transform themselves tremendously if there’s enough motivation. There are no limits to how far you can go.

Later that year, my best friend told me that hearing me complain about the heartbreak was frustrating, but I had totally flipped the script. We were both proud.

See, it has to start with you. I can tell you how to do it, but you need to put in the work. So, are you ready? If yes, read on.

Getting back on track

work on yourself if you can't stop thinking about her

Working on yourself consists of improving every area of your life. I like to divide them into four main categories:

  • Health and fitness
  • Career/studies
  • Social life and dating
  • Mental health and inner game

Let’s look at these categories more in-depth.

Health and fitness

I’m not a fitness guru, but working out doesn’t need to be rocket science. All you need to do is eat somewhat healthy, sleep enough, and exercise regularly.

Exercise, nutrition, and sleep are the “holy trinity” of physical health. When you do this, you’ll be in shape and this will affect your confidence and happiness. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle keeps your hormones in check, so it’s easier to be happy.

You don’t necessarily need to count your macros or work out like crazy. Just master the basic fundamentals, and use your heartbreak as a motivation. By doing these things, you’ll gain incredible results in the long run:

  • Do exercise that you enjoy. Gym, jogging, and different sports are great. Personally, I love martial arts and recommend trying MMA, grappling, or kickboxing.
  • Eat 90% of the time healthily. (Natural foods, enough fruits, vegetables, etc…)
  • Sleep 7-9 hours per night, depending on your needs.

Career and studies

Having some kind of vision for your future is great. It keeps you motivated and fulfills you. You should be constantly improving with your studies or career.

It can be anything from pursuing a promotion to nailing an A from an important test. Your career plan is a great way to form a sense of purpose.

When you have a strong sense of purpose, your happiness skyrockets. A certain goal or a mission keeps you storming towards success, and makes little inconveniences secondary. 

The purpose is a broad topic, and I’ll probably write an entire article about it in the future. But for now, it’s enough that you pick a certain goal that you pursue constantly. A goal that’s meaningful and lights a fire in your belly every morning. See if you can’t stop thinking about her after that.

Social life and dating

If you want to build a lifestyle that you deserve, it’s crucial to have friends and other cool people in your life. Remember to hang out with your friends and do cool stuff together. Go to parties, play sports together, or anything you like.

Practicing social skills is also important. If you want to be the center of the room, you need to know some basics of social interactions.

In fact, I even have an entire category for that. If you want to check it out, click here. You’ll learn how to have great conversations, be charismatic, and more.

When it comes to dating, get back on track as soon as you feel like it. There may be some inner work to do first, but dating is an essential part of a great lifestyle.

WARNING: Read this before dating again

Probably the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Whether it’s something serious or just a one-night stand, it’s great if you can’t stop thinking about her. If you see 10 other girls, forgetting the one becomes way easier.

There’s a twist, however. After a heartbreak, it’s extremely easy to become needy. See, there’s a void in your life, and finding another girl seems like a great way to fix that. But if you’ve read anything about dating, you know that you must never NEED the other person.

Neediness is a cure for misery and failure in dating. It may be hard after a break-up. So, get back to dating and improve your game, but pay attention. If you find yourself caring too much about your dating status, there’s some inner game you’ll have to improve.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: Your life should be awesome even without a partner, and you should always put your purpose first.

Mental health and inner game

This is probably the most important category. If you don’t have your mental health, you have nothing. Mental health is a broad topic, but if you can’t stop thinking about her, there are some simple action steps to do:

  • Practice mindfulness or meditation to deal with your emotions.
  • Form a strong sense of purpose (See the career part)
  • Develop/regain core confidence

Meditation and mindfulness may seem like something that only Asian monks do, but it’s not. Even people from western cultures do that. It allows you to face your repressed emotions and deal with them.

The simplest way to do is this: Pick a peaceful location, close your eyes, breathe deep, and observe your thoughts. Don’t block or amplify them, let them flow. This is how you’ll face and neutralize any negative thought patterns you may have.

A strong sense of purpose keeps you busy with your life. It helps you to forget your ex and stop thinking about her. It also skyrockets your happiness because your life feels meaningful.

Then there’s confidence. If there was a single trait to flip the script it would be confidence. True confidence is not just about having the guts to do something. It’s a trait that opens new doors and helps you to be happy with yourself. Take it far enough, and it benefits every area of your life.

In fact, it’s so important that I wrote an entire book about it. If you want to discover the simplest way to work on yourself and flip the script, check my book Godlike Confidence Blueprint.

Can’t stop thinking about her – The ultimate cure

Can't stop thinking about her - Solution

In a nutshell, there’s a cure if you can’t stop thinking about her. It’s this: Build a lifestyle so awesome, that you don’t have to. Better yet, your new lifestyle as a single can become better than your previous one!

After all, she’s just another human. It may feel like there’s no other like her, but there is. You just haven’t discovered the little things from other people that make you fall in love.

You don’t need to compare yourself to her, although you have urges. I don’t care how well she seems to be doing or what her Instagram looks like. She still has her flaws, she’s still unsatisfied with something, and she may be fighting similar problems.

Nobody has a perfect life. You don’t need to compare yourself to your ex. Shallow traits like fitness, fancy Instagram profile, “living my best life” posts, or new boyfriends don’t mean shit.

It’s not about that. It’s about how YOU see yourself and carry out yourself. It’s about YOU working on your life and leaving your past behind.

I know, I gave you lots of tips, but here are some great things to get you started:

These tips should get you well started. Whether it’s a girlfriend who cheated on you or a crush who got away. Click the links above to read my free articles.

Can’t stop thinking about her – Summary

I know, getting over her can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. However, thinking rationally allows you to do it fairly quickly if you focus on the right things.

One thing you should remember is this: She’s not that special. She’s not “the one”. I don’t believe there’s the one for anybody. There are more and less suitable matches. True love isn’t there waiting for you. It will be built together with someone.

Work in silence for a while, and let the results do the speaking. When you do that, you’ll come out stronger than ever, being unrecognizable. Your quality of life isn’t in someone else’s hands. It’s under your control.

It’s all there for you to take. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. 

Veikko Arvonen is a blogger with a burning passion for self-development. In his blog, he shares battle-tested tips to become more confident, charismatic, attractive, and happier. Back in time, he got tired of being at the lower end of the pecking order and decided to change. Now, you can learn his lessons from this blog.