“Am I a beta male?”. This is one of the scariest questions guys face in the field of self-development. In today’s article, I’ll break down this topic for you.
You’ll learn how to spot a beta male and how to fix the problem if it’s about you. I’ll also tear down some myths that some people buy into, so stay tuned!
Being a beta male can be painful. The bad news is that being a beta hurts every area of your life. Sometimes you may not even notice it! The good news is, that it’s fairly easy to fix. Getting rid of beta male traits isn’t rocket science.
So, ask yourself, are you having these beta traits? Be honest. If the answer is yes and you admit it, you can start fixing it. Let’s begin.
What is a beta male?
A beta male is a weak individual, who’s at the bottom of the social hierarchies. Being at the bottom causes many inconveniences. Beta males have characteristics that signal weakness. These characteristics include insecurity, lack of masculinity, and neediness.
As I said in my ultimate guide about alpha males, the hierarchies have changed hugely during the centuries. Back in time, if you were born in a lower class, you probably stayed there for the rest of your life.
When it comes to apes and our ancestors, being a beta was even worse. Betas could get killed by “Chad” and his club. For what reason? Just because Chad thought they were annoying. There wasn’t law enforcement to protect them or local supermarkets where they could buy food.
Today’s situation is different and much better. If you’re a beta male, you can climb up the hierarchies surprisingly easily. Being an alpha or beta isn’t about your muscles or money anymore. It’s a state of mind. Today, you can replace your beta male mentality with confidence, masculinity, decisiveness, and calmness. All these are alpha male traits.
See, a western society takes care of beta males, but alphas make it further in life. That’s because they have confidence and other traits that attract love, happiness, and success.
Now that you know that being a beta male is about your state of mind, let’s take a look at the most important beta male characteristics.
Beta male characteristics
People often keep asking are alpha males always muscular and betas skinny. Often, they think that superficial traits determine if you’re an alpha or a beta. That’s incorrect.
Sure, alpha males are often physically fit, but their fitness doesn’t make them alpha. The reason they’re fit is because of their ambition, work ethic, and urge to improve themselves. The alpha male traits from a deeper level bleed into their actions, which shows up.
Don’t confuse superficial traits with being an alpha or a beta. Take a look at the underlying beliefs that cause them. A jacked guy with six-pack abs and a wide chin can still be a beta male. On the other hand, a skinny person can be an alpha male.
In a nutshell, superficial traits can give you some hint about whether someone is alpha or beta, but it’s not 100% accurate. This is why it’s important to take a look at a deeper level.
Insecurity
Insecurity is probably the most common beta male trait. Bate males think they’re not good enough. They’re ashamed of their flaws and think they make them a bad person.
Betas dislike themselves and see themselves as worthless. They think that they’re not worth having success, so they skip different opportunities.
When a beta male gets rejected by a girl, he takes it personally. He believes that it’s a sign of his lower worth, and he blames himself.
A beta male is afraid of intimidation, so he likes to keep quiet. He doesn’t stand up in social situations, make decisions, or take lead. He’s unassertive and likes to go with the masses.
A fundamental beta belief is that he’s a worse person than others for numerous reasons. Reasons like being skinny, being single, or anything superficial. Their insecurity makes them indecisive and shy. They lack confidence and are afraid of failure.
Caring about others’ opinions
This is another trait, notorious for making someone a beta male. Beta males anchor their confidence to external approval, which signals low self-esteem.
Because betas aren’t confident, they need other people’s approval to feel good about themselves. This trait is extremely harmful and can result in problems with your mental health. (Been there done that)
When your confidence is affected by others’ opinions, you’re not in control. Even the slightest insult or a simple joke can throw you off balance. The worst thing is that arrogant people and assholes can spot your weakness.
They notice that you’re easily manipulated. Thus, they start preying on you, offering you just enough validation to keep you hooked. You take the bait and approve of their dumbest requests. Just to get that slight approval that boosts your confidence.
Do they respect you? No. They only act nice because they know that you can be manipulated.
This is why caring about others’ opinions is so detrimental. You can be manipulated and external factors can throw you off balance. This is an ultimate sign of a beta male.
Lack of masculinity
Masculinity is a fascinating topic that causes a lot of debate nowadays. In a nutshell, it’s a set of masculine characteristics like decisiveness, confidence, calmness, and ambition. Masculine men are executing a larger vision that keeps them fulfilled. They leverage both themselves and others. Against common beliefs, masculinity isn’t about being violent or neglecting emotions.
Beta males’ lack of masculinity shows in many ways. First of all, they’re indecisive and easy to distract. A beta male often reacts emotionally and freaks out. Instead of being calm, he’s very reactive.
Beta’s are often overly feminine or childish. However, there’s nothing wrong with being feminine unless it becomes toxic. Beta’s can’t handle confrontation, so they like to spread rumors instead of dealing with conflicts like a man. Also, betas give too much control over their emotions and can’t accept them. This is why they often blame other people for their problems.
Another example of a beta male could be a random, drunken guy who get’s angry when a girl prefers another man. He may even start picking a fight because he’s too immature to swallow the rejection and move on.
These are only some examples of how betas lack masculinity, but the principles are the same: A beta male uses childish and toxic tactics to deal with problems. Simply because he’s not masculine enough to deal with them like a man.
Trying to prove something
In the end, not all beta males are the same. Many betas are quite harmless. They’re shy and indecisive, and therefore they don’t like to make waves. These kinds of people don’t cause trouble for anyone. In fact, a true alpha male usually wants to help them because he leverages both himself and others.
Some betas channel their problems to other people. If you read the previous paragraphs carefully, you may know that lack of masculinity is one reason for that.
Some beta males have a strong urge to prove themselves. This bragging takes many forms. Bragging, comparing, even putting other people down. All this is because betas need external approval. They want to feel better about themselves by proving something to others. They’re desperate for validation.
There’s a saying that confidence is quiet and insecurities loud. Betas’ loud bragging may seem confident, but it’s a sign of insecurity. Remember when I told you to look at people on a deeper level, rather than superficial traits? Exactly…
An alpha male doesn’t need to prove himself to others. He’s confident in himself, knowing that others’ opinions don’t matter. Beta males, on the other hand, need external approval so they try to act tough.
Putting women on a pedestal
Beta males are commonly known for putting women on a pedestal. If there’s something that can destroy a man from inside, it’s a woman who got too much under his skin.
A beta male is ready to sacrifice his honor, money, time, and anything for a woman. He’s a simp whose lack of masculine frame makes him needy. This is because a beta doesn’t have boundaries. He’s ready to do almost anything to maybe get laid. Often, women are turned off by their neediness.
Beta males often think that showering women with compliments and gifts makes them fall in love. Betas are needy for female attention, so they sacrifice almost anything to get it.
Don’t let anyone tell you you should be a simp or a Disney prince. Your mental health will crash because you anchor your well-being into another person. Often, she’ll reject you because you’re needy, which is unattractive.
I remember when I talked with a female friend of mine. I asked what did she think about guys who sacrifice everything for her before even dating. She answered that they’re “kinda cute”.
Would you like to sacrifice your wallet and mental health to be “kinda cute”? I don’t think so. Moral of the story, treat women like a gentleman, but never put them on a pedestal. Be nice to them, but don’t be needy for approval and attention.
Alpha male vs. Beta male
In my opinion, people rarely are entirely alpha or beta. Many of us have some alpha traits and some beta traits. Also, our mood changes. Even the most charismatic alpha males feel bad sometimes, and beta thoughts are temporarily in control.
The key is to take a look at which one is the dominant side. Are you most of the time feeling like a commander who’s killing it at life, or insecure person who’s worth nothing?
Again, being an alpha or a beta is a state of mind that bleeds into your words, action, and body language. Let’s have an example:
Example #1: James is a beta male
James is a college freshman who’s a total beta male. He’s insecure, lazy, and doesn’t have too many great things in life. He attended college because his parents told him to and he doesn’t have too many future plans.
The weekend comes and there’s an event. Every freshman has gotten an invitation. James decides to join the event with his friends. “Time to ramp up my reputation.” he thinks.
The event starts with a friendly competition, where eight volunteers are called in the middle. James’ friend Jack tells James to go. James is afraid, but he’s desperate for approval and doesn’t want Jack to insult him. He volunteers.
James has joined a competition, where the volunteers take shots. Some of them are water, and some are booze. The goal is to stay unreactive, and the referees call out the people who can’t take shots without grinning.
James manages to take in a shot, but he’s called out in the third round. He gets upset because he takes his failure personally. When Jack teases him for losing, he starts to argue back. Jack notices it and teases him even more. He likes to manipulate James who’s a beta male.
Later in the evening, the manipulative Jack notices two cute girls. He’s thinking about approaching them but decides to use James.
“Hey man. Go and get those girls at our table.” He says.
James is terrified. As a beta male, getting rejected by a girl is a nightmare. James is in a tough situation because Jack starts to pressure him and call him a wussy. James decides to talk to the girls because he doesn’t want to have a conflict with Jack.
Needless to say, James’ neediness and insecurity will show up in his actions, and he ends up getting rejected. His night becomes even worse when Jack starts calling him a virgin loser, although he wouldn’t have had the guts to talk to the girls himself. Jack is a beta male, who’s channeling his problems to weaker beta males.
When the night ends, James goes home in a terrible mood. He has taken the loss in the game and rejection personally, so he drifts even deeper into a negative spiral. He’s insecure, needy, and desperate for validation.
Example #2: James is an alpha male
The scene is the same but there’s one major difference. James is an alpha male. He has taken the time to develop a positive attitude toward life and love himself. His own approval is enough and he’s secure with his flaws.
When he enters the competition, he doesn’t consider winning mandatory. He’s just enjoying his time, knowing that he doesn’t need to prove his ability to drink booze.
When he’s called out and someone teases him, he replies with confidence: “That’s OK, free shots work always, even if I don’t win.” James isn’t sure if he’s getting teased on purpose or by a joke, but he doesn’t care. He knows that other peoples’ opinions don’t matter.
When he sees the two girls, he doesn’t approach them to get Jack’s approval. He approaches because he wants to. He knows that getting rejected is better than regret. His inner confidence and carefree attitude show up, which skyrockets his attractiveness.
Even if he gets rejected, he doesn’t care. It’s the girls’ loss because James sees himself as a high-status person who has standards, goals, and strengths. He goes home with a smile, regardless of external validation.
This is why being an alpha or beta is about your state of mind. It may be easy to confuse alphas with superficial traits, but the truth is that it’s about the underlying mindset. Success, love, and happiness are the results of confidence, decisiveness, ambition, positivity, and other alpha male characteristics. The same goes with being a beta.
How to stop being a beta male
That’s an excellent question. If you found out that you have beta male traits, don’t worry. It’s never too late to change them. The first step is to accept that there’s something to be done.
That’s OK. It’s not your fault. Becoming a beta male is often a result of external factors that have built the way you see the world. Once you’ve accepted that, decide to change. Slowly but surely, claw your way to adopting an alpha male belief system.
Ultimately, it’s all about how you see yourself. When you have a strong positive opinion about yourself, it bleeds into your actions. Thus, the world starts to see you accordingly.
Here are some good ways to start:
- Learn what being an alpha male is about and build that lifestyle.
- Develop core confidence.
- Make improving yourself a top priority and commit to the journey. Having a “bigger purpose” is a great alpha trait.
It’s an exciting journey, so have fun!
One more thing to say is that don’t try to be perfect. Even an alpha male feels bad sometimes. Alphas make mistakes and have flaws too. So, rather than pursuing perfection, keep improving day after day. That’s how you get incredible results.
Beta male – Summary
There you have it. My ultimate guide about beta males. I hope this post gave you some clarity on why being beta is harmful to you. Above all, I want you to realize that today, it’s easier than ever to flip the script and change.
I talk a lot about deciding to improve yourself because it’s so dam important. After all, only you can do it. I can tell you how, but you’re in charge of your own life.
With this all said, I wish you a great day. I’ll see you in next post!