How to be more masculine? I feel like this topic causes a lot of debate nowadays, but it’s absolutely crucial for you to understand. I’m a man in my 20s, and understanding masculinity has had a huge positive impact on my life.
If you’re a young dude like me, pay attention. Developing masculinity is the secret sauce to unleashing your true potential. Building it the right way will skyrocket every area of your life, but only if done the right way.
I’m not talking about getting violent or arrogant. That’s not what masculinity means nowadays. This so-called “toxic masculinity” is a trait that you should avoid. Building true masculinity, however, will have a positive impact on everyone’s life. You, your friends, and your loved ones.
In this article, I’ll share the basics of masculinity, and how to develop it. You’ll learn what masculinity means nowadays, and common misconceptions you must know. I’ll also clarify my points with examples.
What it REALLY means to be more masculine
Masculinity is a set of behaviors, beliefs, and other attributes that are often associated with strong men. However, as society has evolved, so has masculinity.
Back in time, the masculine man was the “Chad” who displayed loud, violent behavior. He was the relentless warrior that conquered lands and built civilizations. You can also spot this kind of masculinity when you look at how apes behave. The masculine ape is the “alpha male” at the top of the hierarchy. He possesses strength and dominance.
When it comes to humans, masculinity has been influenced by the norms of society. Violence doesn’t lead to respect and success. It gets you arrested and can hurt your life.
Why do we need masculinity?
Being masculine happens nowadays mostly on the mental level. Masculine people are confident enough to stand up and protect weaker people. Masculinity gives people ambition and braveness to create something that benefits everybody.
Masculine people are firefighters who run into a burning building to save someone. Masculine people are those who stay calm during accidents and take the lead. A masculine person is on a mission, creating something that leaves a mark on this planet.
Masculinity is a trait that naturally fixes your problems. It gives you the tools to deal with modern challenges and live at your highest potential. Benefits of true masculinity include:
- Happiness and the ability to deal with your emotions
- A deep sense of fulfillment
- Success in your career
- Attraction from women
- Respect from other people
- And much more
The wrong way can appear masculine, but it’s not. Getting violent often means that you have to prove yourself and you’ve lost the verbal battle. Neglecting emotions is a sign of weakness because you’re not strong enough to deal with them.
Let’s start with the tips:
How to be more masculine
Masculinity is a trait that can be developed and practiced. I’ve practiced it and noticed the benefits, and so can you. The way you do this is simple. You must make some lifestyle changes and naturally build masculinity and all its benefits. It may also be necessary to change some underlying beliefs that you have.
In this article, I’ve come up with tips that help you to be more masculine. Enjoy!
1 Have strong boundaries and principles
If you want to be more masculine, you must develop some standards, boundaries, and principles. You must also learn to stick with them if someone tries to affect them.
This goes with everything. What do you tolerate from your friends? What are your standards in a relationship? If you’ve decided to do something, are you going to do it?
Masculine people are strong enough to risk a conflict if their boundaries are broken. If a friend tries to use you, you must be brave enough to say no. If they start nagging, you must stand up for yourself.
I like to use this example: Let’s say you’ve decided to go to the gym, and your friend asks you to hang out, watch a movie, and get some food from Mcdonald’s. You tell them that you can’t because you’re going to the gym to get a nice pump going on.
Your friend starts to complain and tells you to come over. In this case, you must stick to your principles. You must be able to decline if your friend tries to use you. Even if it sparks a conflict.
Put your boundaries and principles before pleasing other people, and your masculinity increases.
2 Speak up
Honesty and speaking up is very masculine trait. It always pisses me off if someone’s angry at me and doesn’t even tell me what should I do about it.
You know, the classic “oh, you should know what’s wrong.” or something like that. If you want to be masculine, you’ll have to speak up if something’s wrong. Don’t just stay quiet, waiting for someone to read your mind.
Some people have this very annoying trait of not giving a clear answer and not making a problem apparent. Instead, they dwell with it and expect you to treat them like a princess. Like it’s your responsibility to take the lead and fix everything.
If something is bothering you or you want to make something clear, say it! Life becomes much easier when you can communicate and solve a problem together.
3 Take cold showers to be more masculine
Cold showers are just awesome and I’ve been taking them for about three years. It’s as simple and as horrible as it sounds. Turn the temperature to ice cold and enjoy!
Cold water wakes you up and makes you feel just amazing. When I exit the shower, I always feel incredible. I’m refreshed, sharp, and feel like I can tackle all kinds of challenges.
When you force yourself to be there for one to two minutes, you’ll learn to expand your comfort zone and stay calm under intense stress. These traits are an essential part of masculinity. It makes you mentally strong since you can deal with the cold water shocking every nerve in your body.
How to start taking cold showers
If you haven’t tried cold showers, I recommend trying them. First, you probably won’t be able to stay there for very long. This is OK. When taking a shower, do all your normal shower things with warm water.
In the end, turn the temperature to ice cold. Force yourself to be there for 10 seconds the first time. Work yourself up to 20, 30, and so on, until you can stay there for a minute or two without gasping. Taking baby steps is the key, and your body gets used to it pretty quickly.
Don’t do it with cool water. The longer you wait for it, the harder it gets. Go straight to ice-cold! It’s not comfortable, but it’s very, very rewarding.
Next time you feel like a total loser, try taking a two-minute ice-cold shower, and see how you feel after that…
4 Practice martial arts
Although western society has evolved a lot, getting in touch with physical contact helps you to understand masculinity. Back in time, masculine men were on the battlefields. The Romans, the Spartans… You name it!
Practicing martial arts allows you to experience physical combat in a safe environment. You should never emphasize violence, but understanding how your ancestors fought is a great way to experience masculinity.
Last Friday, I had an MMA class. When we finished the training, I started to feel a sense of headache. That was because I had been sparring and I had received punches from more experienced fighters.
However, I felt great. If you’ve been hitting the gym, you know the incredible feeling after a killer workout. Well, after an MMA class, the feeling is even better.
Practicing martial arts teaches you discipline, respect, physical skills, and more. It forces you to deal with physical contact and stress. Also, they’re a great way to boost your confidence. In a nutshell, they help you to be more masculine.
A masculine man never wants to get violent but is ready to protect himself and his loved ones. Don’t be that loser who picks fights for no reason. It’s pathetic and makes everyone disrespect you.
I remember when I was at a club with my friend. A random guy started to threaten us. Do you know why? We were talking to two pretty women and his ego couldn’t handle that they were more interested in us.
“B b but wait! Isn’t it masculine? He confronted his rivalries! No, it’s not. He was so needy that he had to get upset because a girl didn’t like him. A masculine man doesn’t have to prove himself to random people. A masculine man understands that girls aren’t into guys that use violence.
Getting violent means that you’ve lost the verbal battle. There’s always someone who could beat you up, so picking fights is stupid. Masculine men understand this and they don’t use violence to compete. They destroy their opponents verbally and use violence only as a defense.
They say that masculinity causes trouble with violence, but it’s quite opposite.
Best martial arts to try
Best martial arts to develop your masculinity are styles that include sparring, and hand-to-hand combat. There are many great martial arts, but here are my favorite ones:
- Muay Thai
- BJJ or Grappling
5 Never put women on a pedestal
If there’s something that can completely destroy the well-being and dignity of a man, it’s a toxic woman. This happens when a man forms an unhealthy obsession with a woman and does pretty much anything to get her approval.
This is when beta males and simps worship women. Do you know where this leads? Misery.
I remember when talking with a female friend of mine. I asked her what does she think about guys who put her before everything else. The answer was “It would be kinda cute.”
Do you want to be a guy who’s “kinda cute”, or do you want to be actually attractive? If you put a woman on a pedestal, two things will happen:
One, she’ll sense your neediness, which kills the attraction. A woman wants you to treat her well, but she also wants a man with a backbone. A man who has standards and other cool things in life.
Two, you’ll destroy your happiness (and wallet), and get nothing in return. I’ve done this mistake in my past, and paid a heavy price.
As a masculine man, you’ll have to be the king of your life. Build a lifestyle that fulfills you and makes the world a better place. When you’re the star of your own movie, women are much more likely to be attracted to you.
You can’t buy love with flowers and gifts. You’ll have to earn it. Sure, treat women well, but never do it to seek approval. Do it because you want to be nice to them, without expecting anything in return. If a toxic woman doesn’t deserve it, have the guts to walk away.
6 Be strong enough to give
A very masculine trait is to give without asking for anything in return. Masculine men provide value to people who deserve it. The key is to be nice to people who respect you and ignore manipulative people.
When you do something for someone, do it because you want to be nice to them. Don’t do it to seek approval because you don’t get it. In the worst-case scenario, people sense your weakness and use you.
This commands tons of respect because you flip the script. Instead of doing favors to get approval, you’ll make people deserve them. Don’t be the “nice guy” who everyone takes advantage of.
When someone asks me to do a favor, I consider the following things:
- Do they REALLY need it?
- How much is their convenience compared to my inconvenience?
- What’s the overall feeling I get when they ask?
Sometimes I just want to be nice to my friends, so I’ll give them something. Just because I think they’re cool people who deserve to be treated well. I don’t expect them to pay me back. If they only take and never give, I stop giving.
However, this trait often commands enough respect to get something in return without asking.
7 Being more masculine with your emotions
There’s a moronic rumor that showing emotions is not masculine, and that’s BS. Humans have emotions, period. Masculine people don’t neglect emotions, they deal with them.
We all have moments of weakness when we feel terrible. A part of masculinity is to be strong enough to accept it, knowing that it doesn’t make us weak.
Trying to deny your emotions is weak. Accepting and dealing with them is strong. Even the strongest people suffer from heartbreaks and inconveniences, and accepting them is crucial.
A part of mastering a masculine mindset is to accept repressed emotions and allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. When you do this, dealing with them becomes easier.
Emotions are tricky and can screw you over a bid time. However, you can learn to deal with them.
- If you’ve suffered a heartbreak, cut off the contact immediately.
- If you have a negative experience from the past, learn to accept it.
- If you want to give your emotions less power, learn to be more resilient.
Cold showers or meditation work great for all of these.
8 Face your problems like a boss
Do you know what pisses me off? A person who’s not strong enough to face their problems. See, we all make mistakes. What determines us is how we deal with them.
If you’ve done something wrong, you must take the consequences. Admitting them and apologizing is intimidating, but it’s something you’ll have to do. In the end, you’ll feel much better.
Pushing through humiliation, fear, and other negative emotions helps you to be more masculine. You’ll learn how to maintain your self-esteem under pressure.
Don’t be a coward who doesn’t take responsibility or blames mistakes on other people. Be humble and admit them, but never let them lower your self-esteem. Remember, we all make mistakes.
9 Stretch your comfort zone
There’s a saying “Success takes place outside your comfort zone.” This is true. If you want to improve yourself, you must put in the work. Jacked people have put hours into their workouts and gone through the pain. Successful entrepreneurs have sacrificed a lot to get their business off the ground.
Expanding your comfort zone is a great way to be more masculine. You’ll learn to tackle different challenges. When you manage to run an extra mile or get out of bed when you’re tired, you’ll gain a sense of pride, and an urge to achieve more.
Achieving and creating something new is masculine, and requires you to get uncomfortable sometimes.
10 Learn to stay unreactive
One of my favorite metaphors of masculine energy is being like a mountain. A mountain stands tall, unaffected by external forces like wind and rain.
Life tends to throw us curveballs, and we react to them in many ways. When something inconvenient happens, do you freak out, or stay calm and deal with the problem?
Let’s make a thought experiment. You’re driving to work when a car in front of you loses control and crashes into another car. You hit the brakes and exit your car, noticing that the other driver is freaking out, and the other unconscious. There are some pedestrians, who seem to be unaware of what to do.
Masculinity at this point means that you’ll stay calm, although the scenario is shocking. You’ll know that you must think rationally and solve the issue instead of freaking out. Your masculinity allows you to take the lead. You tell one person to calm a scared driver, another one to call 911, and you go and check the unconscious driver.
Obviously, you need to accept different emotions like fear and stress but also think rationally. You probably don’t deal with traffic accidents daily, but use these principles to deal with inconveniences. You can’t cancel them, but you can take action to deal with them.
11 Lean the art of not giving a fuck
One of the most essential parts of masculine energy is to be on your own path and journey. It’s like being a charging bull, rushing towards its destination. It’s impossible to stop, and it doesn’t give a dam what’s standing in its way.
The world contains all kinds of people who hate you for no reason or try to limit you. You know, a manipulative girlfriend, an annoying classmate, or an arrogant coworker.
When you pursue your goals and enjoy your life, you must learn to not give a fuck what other people are tripping at you.
Remember that nobody knows you entirely. They don’t know where you come from, what you’ve been through, and who you are. Don’t let other people’s opinions stop you.
Too many people care about what others think about them. For example, look at me writing this blog. A bet some people would judge and laugh at me. “Who the hell he thinks he is? Talking about confidence or being an alpha male? What a loser!”
To be honest, dealing with them would be intimidating, but do you know what gives me peace? I know that their opinions don’t matter. You only get judged by people who have less than you.
If you want to live a masculine life at your highest potential, learn to not give a fuck. When you do this, you’ll unshackle yourself from worthless opinions. You’re not afraid to take opportunities that life presents at you.
Doing this becomes easier when you develop your inner confidence. Just push through the intimidation, and you’ll be more masculine.
Having a strong sense of purpose is probably the most masculine thing you can do. Having a purpose means that you have a certain goal that makes everything else secondary. It lights the fire in your belly in the morning and excites you.
It can be anything as long as it motivates you and feels remarkable. My purpose is to grow this blog to help unsatisfied people to develop confidence and live their best life, while also achieving financial freedom.
When you take this far enough, little inconveniences become irrelevant. Got rejected by a girl? So what, you got better things to do. Someone brags about their achievements? You don’t have time for worthless comparing.
Developing a purpose is a key to masculinity and a fulfilling lifestyle, so consider creating one now. It can be anything from fitness to finances, and it can change.
Masculinity is something that helps you a lot in whatever you do. The best thing is, it can be developed. It’s especially beneficial for men but also helps other people.
I hope I managed to tear down myths about masculinity. This so-called “toxic masculinity” is nothing that a truly masculine person emphasizes. Getting violent or neglecting emotions isn’t masculine. They are signs of weakness, disguised as masculine behaviors.
Don’t worry if you can’t implement all the 12 tips immediately. Even one of them can have a great impact. When you stop reading, consider trying a cold shower or booking an MMA class. After all, the action gets you the results.
I hope you enjoyed this article. As always, feel free to contact me if you have any questions. With this said, I’ll see you next time!