How to be charismatic – 9 effective techniques

by Veikko Arvonen // May 27 // 1 Comments

A man who is charismatic

Have you seen those people who effortlessly seem to grab everyone’s attention and always be an essential part of a group? They know how to be charismatic.

Charisma can improve your social life tremendously since it makes you more attractive and popular. And the good thing is, it’s something you can develop. Although some people may be naturally more charismatic, you can learn that skill just like any other one.

Today, I’m about to share 9 techniques that I’ve found useful and effective in my social interactions, so you can implement them into your life and be charismatic.




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What is charisma?

In a nutshell, charisma is the ability to attract and influence other people. Charismatic people know how to make people like them and relate to them by behaving in a certain way. These kinds of behaviors can be a good sense of humor or powerful positive energy.

Many leaders in history or today use their charisma to gain support. Their charisma has made them popular and therefore successful. If you want to influence and lead people, you have to learn to be charismatic.

Now, let’s begin with the techniques

1. Be charismatic by maximizing your state

our state is your current mood and state of mind. When your state is good, you’ll feel great and perform better in pretty much anything that you do. On top of that, your tasks become more enjoyable.

Charismatic people often spread a powerful positive vibe to people around them, so one way to be charismatic is to maximize your state.

This means doing anything that sets you in a great mood. It may be hyping each other with your best friend before going out or exercising before a workday. Anything that sets you in a peak state.

When you’re happy, you’ll naturally be more charismatic by spreading your positive energy to everyone around you.

Think of a situation in your past where you were in social interaction and had a peak state. Changes are people paid more attention to you and you received a lot of positive responses from them.

2. Be congruent

Being congruent means being confident and believing in whatever you say or do. For example, if you say a joke that you truly believe is funny, chances are that other people will also find it funny.

People pay way more attention to how you say a certain thing than what do you say. If you truly believe in what you say or do, people will sense it through your non-verbal communication, etc.

To be charismatic, you don’t need to always come up with the most clever things to say. You can talk about almost anything as long as you speak with enthusiasm and congruency.

Charismatic people can make even boring things sound interesting by speaking with passion and not trying to force good jokes. Rather than thinking about what to say next and causing awkward silences, they just say whatever comes into their mind knowing that they can make it interesting.

Whatever you say, be congruent in it and lead the conversation if necessary. Remember, you can make a great conversation about whatever comes to your mind if you add some enthusiasm and congruency to it. Don’t overthink.

3. Admit your flaws

One thing that charismatic people understand is that they don’t need to cover their flaws. At some point, something about your flaws and weaknesses will come up in a conversation.

What do you do? Don’t try to cover them or blame them on someone else. Just admit them and maybe even crack a joke about it like it’s not a big deal because it isn’t.

This trait will make people like you more and consider you a confident person who has the guts to admit their mistakes.

The truth is, everybody has their weaknesses and something they dislike about themselves. Keep this in mind and bring up yourself with confidence, and you’ll be fine.

There’s nothing wrong with having flaws and making mistakes. It is pathetic if you try to hide them or blame them on others.

4. Don’t brag about your achievements

There’s a difference between bringing out your strengths and pathetic bragging. If you want to be charismatic, don’t brag.

Charismatic people don’t try to seek approval by constantly bringing out their strengths. Imagine being around someone who just talks about themselves and always tells how great they are. You probably wouldn’t enjoy being with them too much.

If something comes up in a conversation that highlights your strengths, make it apparent, but don’t brag about it. Treat it like it’s not a big deal. This makes people see that you’re capable but not arrogant.

Be proud of your achievements but never brag about them.

5. Be charismatic by adding value

What I mean by adding value is doing random things that can have a positive effect on social interaction.

This can be bringing up something good about another person, coming up with an idea that benefits everyone, or performing any act of kindness. Above all, do it without expecting anything in return.

The key in this way to be charismatic is to add value to make an interaction better. When you do this, people naturally start to like you and even treat you better.

However, never do it to seek validation or expecting something in return. That’s a sign of insecurity and neediness, both of which are unattractive traits.

Another mistake is to give away too much. If you do it, people may start to use and manipulate you, and make you feel guilty for not doing something nice to them.

When you add value, don’t do it because you want someone’s approval or someone wants you to do it. Do it when YOU feel like doing it.

6. Share stories

One way to be charismatic is to tell good stories. Doing it is a great way to become the center of attention, and have something valuable to say. This causes the same effect when someone watches a good movie or reads a good book, except you’re the protagonist.

If you have a great story to share that’s relevant to the topic, do it. Remember also to use what you’ve learned in step two. Speak with enthusiasm and use gestures and different tonalities to connect with your audience.

One story that I like to share is a situation from my old job, where a bunch of challenging customers caused me inconvenience. It was nothing serious, but the interaction was funny enough to make many people laugh like crazy.

7. Stay unreactive

Unreactiveness is an attractive trait for several reasons. If someone teases you and you stay calm, they see that you’re a confident person who doesn’t get distracted easily.

If something bad happens, people like people who don’t use energy for strong, emotional reactions and freaking out. A better option is to stay calm and take action to deal with the problem.

Thirdly, people will be more open to you when they know that you won’t freak out if they admit something.

Do you see the point here? Unreactive people are considered to be emotionally strong and determined. When you don’t react emotionally, people will see that you aren’t easy to manipulate and may even start to compete for your attention.

8. Be yourself – Be charismatic

One common phenomenon among insecure people is that they change their opinions and behaviors to be accepted. They’re afraid that if they disagree with something, they will be disliked.

If you want to be charismatic, you have to do the opposite. Always stick to your opinions and never fake yourself. If you end up in a debate with someone, bring out your opinions without being ashamed of them, but also be polite and respect the other person.

When people see that you’re authentic, they will like and trust you more. This makes also step two easier because you’re always congruent.

Sometimes different people may be considered weird, but if you’re confident and congruent in yourself, it may be the exact reason why people find you attractive.

9. Don’t overtry

One important thing when trying to be charismatic is not to overtry. I’ve shared with you a bunch of tips, but if you try to force them every once in a while, you won’t be charismatic.

Don’t get stuck inside of your head, trying to come up with another story or figure out cheesy compliments. If you do it you’ll violate the core principles since you’re becoming stressed and fake.

Just go out there, be sure to set up a good state, and have fun! Practice makes perfect.

How to be charismatic? – FAQ

how to be charismatic

Is charisma born or made?

In my opinion, it can be both. Some people are naturally more socially intelligent and charismatic than others, but you can practice your charisma.

Many people who have trouble with their confidence, usually become the most charismatic ones when they get obsessed with self-development.

How do you develop charisma?

There are many ways to increase your social skills and be charismatic. Practicing it by joining different social situations is a great way to improve. It’s also important to not make it too complicated.

I believe that setting yourself to a peak state and saying whatever you feel like with congruency and enthusiasm is enough to get you well started. Although fancy techniques may be useful at some point, it’s more important to focus on the core fundamentals.

If you suffer from social anxiety or insecurity, it may be a good idea to start from your mentality. Entering a social situation and becoming the center of attention may be hard.

If this is the case, start by improving your confidence and self-esteem. Master your mindset so you won’t be afraid of embarrassment or other negative consequences. I cover these topics in my other posts!

When you’re ready, go out there and start improving.

Why is charisma attractive?

Your charisma usually makes you funny, and enjoyable to be with. Naturally, if someone makes other people feel good, they want to spend time with him or her. Thus, it’s good to be charismatic when approaching someone.

Being charismatic also means that you have the skills to interact with other people and influence them in your favor (not in a manipulative way). Needless to say, capable people are often attractive.

Is charisma more attractive than looks?

In friendship and career, charisma is usually more attractive than your looks. You probably don’t choose your friends or employees based on whether they’re sexually attractive or not.

Charismatic people are respected and pleasant to be around, so they are excellent friends and co-workers.

In dating, however, looks play the biggest role. I’d say that your charisma is a major factor in your dating success, especially if you’re a man, but it can’t replace bad looks.

Luckily, you can also improve your looks.


There you have it. My 9 step guide on how to be charismatic. The way this article will benefit you the most depends on your current situation.

Charisma is an advanced social skill. If you’re really shy and insecure, I recommend you start with the basics of self-development such as confidence and self-esteem. I’ve written posts about them and more content is on its way.

If you’re a normal person with basic social skills, start skyrocketing your interactions by making sure you’re always in a good state and focusing more on how you say your stuff than what you say. Maybe even figure out a good story you’re going to share in the next convenient situation.

If you’re already the charisma king or queen of your group, feel free to see if there are any new techniques in this article you can use, and keep improving.

With this said, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below.

Veikko Arvonen is a blogger with a burning passion for self-development. In his blog, he shares battle-tested tips to become more confident, charismatic, attractive, and happier. Back in time, he got tired of being at the lower end of the pecking order and decided to change. Now, you can learn his lessons from this blog.